Rodney Dangerfield Quotes:
It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
Rodney Dangerfield
I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
Rodney Dangerfield
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.
Rodney Dangerfield
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
Rodney Dangerfield
One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
Rodney Dangerfield
I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.
Rodney Dangerfield
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
Rodney Dangerfield
I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
Rodney Dangerfield
At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can’t.
Rodney Dangerfield
Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
Rodney Dangerfield
I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
Rodney Dangerfield
If it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all.
Rodney Dangerfield
Life is just a bowl of pits.
Rodney Dangerfield