Jerry Seinfeld Quotes:
Pay attention, don’t let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box.
Jerry Seinfeld
To me, if life boils down to one thing, it’s movement. To live is to keep moving.
Jerry Seinfeld
We’ve fallen into a trap of ever-widening orbits of contact, and there is a total disregard for the present moment.
Jerry Seinfeld
It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
Jerry Seinfeld
A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.
Jerry Seinfeld
The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it’s so much fun.
Jerry Seinfeld
I think it’s funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.
Jerry Seinfeld
The IRS! They’re like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!
Jerry Seinfeld
Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you’ve got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn’t your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
Jerry Seinfeld
Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God’s final word on where your lips end.
Jerry Seinfeld
There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men don’t think there’s a lot they don’t know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, ‘I know what I’m doing, just show me somebody naked.’
Jerry Seinfeld
You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, ‘See if you can blow this out.’
Jerry Seinfeld
I am so busy doing nothing… that the idea of doing anything – which as you know, always leads to something – cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.
Jerry Seinfeld
There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.
Jerry Seinfeld
People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.
Jerry Seinfeld
Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.
Jerry Seinfeld
Make no mistake about why these babies are here – they are here to replace us.
Jerry Seinfeld
That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.
Jerry Seinfeld
A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.
Jerry Seinfeld
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that’s the law.
Jerry Seinfeld
Men don’t care what’s on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
Jerry Seinfeld
I don’t want to hear the specials. If they’re so special, put ’em on the menu.
Jerry Seinfeld
I prefer the old theaters because the audience is… trapped.
Jerry Seinfeld
You can be passionate about anything.
Jerry Seinfeld
Stand-up is hard.
Jerry Seinfeld
The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing.
Jerry Seinfeld
I wrote an article on a new Porsche for ‘Automobile Magazine.’ I knew the editor, and she asked me to write this article. So I’m more proud of that than anything.
Jerry Seinfeld
I like definitive things.
Jerry Seinfeld
The truth is, I had always wanted to be a comedian, but I really didn’t have that kind of personality, and it’s a terrifying thing to say.
Jerry Seinfeld
Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic – you need ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner.
Jerry Seinfeld
The Beatles created something that never trailed off. What a gift that was to their fans. If you’re into the Beatles, you loved them from beginning to end.
Jerry Seinfeld
Taking in a baseball game on TV is also a big treat.
Jerry Seinfeld