Groucho Marx Quotes:
My favourite poem is the one that starts ‘Thirty days hath September’ because it actually tells you something.
Groucho Marx
Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
Groucho Marx
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
Groucho Marx
Don’t Miss: Omar Khayyam Quotes On Death, Love, Religion at starsquotes
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
Groucho Marx
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
Groucho Marx
I don’t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
Groucho Marx
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.
Groucho Marx
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
Groucho Marx
I didn’t like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions – the curtain was up.
Groucho Marx
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Groucho Marx
I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book.
Groucho Marx
Well, Art is Art, isn’t it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.
Groucho Marx
I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.
Groucho Marx
There’s one way to find out if a man is honest – ask him. If he says, ‘Yes,’ you know he is a crook.
Groucho Marx
Humor is reason gone mad.
Groucho Marx