Dave Barry Quotes:
x Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.
Dave Barry
It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent.
Dave Barry
The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn’t have eyeballs or fins.
Dave Barry
Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.
Dave Barry
Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
Dave Barry
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It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person’s plate.
Dave Barry
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
Dave Barry
Source: Miami Herald
The problem with winter sports is that – follow me closely here – they generally take place in winter.
Dave Barry
We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it travels inside wires.
Dave Barry
I realize that I’m generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don’t care.
Dave Barry
The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers.
Dave Barry
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
Dave Barry
Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.
Dave Barry
It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells… to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin.
Dave Barry
The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.
Dave Barry
Camping is nature’s way of promoting the motel business.
Dave Barry
Bill Gates is a very rich man today… and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions.
Dave Barry
Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.
Dave Barry
It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells… to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin.
Dave Barry
To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.
Dave Barry
Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro.
Dave Barry
The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.
Dave Barry
Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything.
Dave Barry
We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective.
Dave Barry
Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Dave Barry
The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.
Dave Barry
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